Mar 25th Quick Takes

Biz Analyst Club Newsletter

by The Business Model Analyst

Hello, Biz Enthusiasts!
Netflix just set fire to $55M (on a show that doesn’t even exist), Apple is losing $1B a year so you can continue not watching Apple TV+, and AI is now writing funnier memes than you. (Yeah, that one stings.) Meanwhile, cows are getting smart collars, which means we’re just one tech update away from seeing a cow close its Apple Watch rings and post “#RiseAndGrind” on LinkedIn. Just waiting on their Moo-sletter to drop. The world is getting weird - let’s dive in before it gets even weirder.".🚀

Hot Takes 🚀

1. Netflix Gave a Director $55M - And He Spent It on Cars & Crypto 🚗💰
In possibly the most Netflix thing ever, the company handed a sci-fi director $55 million… and instead of a show, he delivered a shopping spree. The man splurged on luxury cars, stocks, and crypto, proving once and for all that spending Netflix’s money irresponsibly isn’t just for Adam Sandler movies.
👉 See how one man pulled off the ultimate Hollywood heist

2. Apple TV+ Is Losing $1B a Year - And Nobody’s Watching 🍏📉
Apple’s streaming service is leaking a billion dollars annually despite having Emmy-winning shows. Even after cutting its content budget, it holds just 1% of the streaming market - a.k.a. Apple’s most expensive hobby. Netflix is out here blowing cash too, but at least people are actually watching Squid Game.
👉 Find out why Apple keeps funding a streaming ghost town

3. AI Now Writes Funnier Memes Than Humans. RIP, Internet 🤖😂
A study just confirmed that AI-generated meme captions are funnier, more creative, and more shareable than human ones. Somewhere, a Gen Z intern is crying into their iced coffee. But don’t worry - AI still sucks at making inside jokes, so humans have some value left. For now.
👉 See the memes AI made (and try not to laugh)

4. Cows Are Getting Smart Collars - Yes, Really 🐮📡
Farmers are slapping wearable tech on cows to track their health, movement, and even mood. If a cow starts acting “weird,” an alert is sent. MooFit? Cowchella? Udderly Genius? The possibilities are endless. Meanwhile, some humans still refuse to wear Fitbits because “they feel tracked.”
👉 See how cow tech is moo-ving the future of farming

5. High Schoolers Are Secretly Using AI to Cheat 📝🤖
Turns out, a whole generation of students is outsourcing homework to ChatGPT - while their teachers are still trying to figure out how to unmute Zoom. One high school senior admitted she aced English, math, and history… without actually doing English, math, or history. The future of education is basically one big group project with AI.
👉 Discover how students are gaming the education system

Quick Hits 📰

• Celtics Sell for a Record $6B: The biggest team sale in sports history just went down. But who actually owns the team now?
  👉 Meet the billionaire who just bought the Celtics

• Apple Sued Over “Missing” AI Features: Apple hyped up next-gen AI features -but never delivered. Now, customers are suing. Do they have a case?
  👉 Apple’s AI rollout isn’t going as planned-here’s why customers are suing

• AI Therapy Is Now a Thing. And People Actually Like It?: Half of young adults would rather talk to AI than a human therapist. Are we officially living in Her?
  👉 Would YOU trust AI with your deepest secrets?

• Meta Tried to Buy FuriosaAI for $800M - And Got Rejected: Meta offered a fortune for a Korean AI chip startup… and got brutally turned down. Why?
  👉 Here’s why FuriosaAI told Zuck to take a hike

• Google’s Gemini Can Now “See” Your Screen in Real-Time: Your phone’s AI can watch what you’re doing and answer questions live. Super helpful… or super creepy?
  👉 Check out Google’s new AI superpower (and privacy nightmare)

• 23andMe’s Financial Freefall: If 23andMe goes bankrupt, what happens to the DNA of 15 million customers?
  👉 Find out what could happen to your genetic data

• Apple Watch May Soon Get a Camera + AI Brain: Your watch might start taking photos and analyzing your surroundings. Cool? Terrifying? Both?
  👉 See what Apple’s planning for your wrist

• DC’s Bitcoin Bar - Where Credit Cards Are Useless: A crypto-only bar is replacing a famous DC pub. Want a drink? Better have Bitcoin.
  👉 Would you go to a bar that only takes crypto?

• China Is About to Launch 6 Reusable Rockets: China is stepping up its space game - and Musk might finally have competition.
  👉 See how China’s space program is catching up fast

A Smarter Way to Map Your Business

And that’s all the business buzz for today! Stay tuned for more insights and updates as we track these changes together in the weeks ahead!

💬 What Do You Think?

👀Which story caught your eye today? Hit reply and share your thoughts!

📩 Know someone who would love this? Forward it their way - they’ll thank you later!