Microsoft Lost $357B—After Beating Earnings 🤯

Biz Analyst Club Newsletter

by The Business Model Analyst

Hello, Biz Enthusiasts!
Bots are spiraling into existential dread, Microsoft just dropped $357B despite beating expectations, and crypto betting is now mainstream (and regulated… sort of). Meanwhile, UPS and Amazon are both trimming the fat, and a $3,000 trash can is somehow a hot civic debate. Welcome to business in 2026—where even the garbage has a business model. Let’s dig in. 🚀

Hot Takes 🚀

1. Microsoft Just Lost $357B in a Single Day 💸🖥️
The earnings were great. The stock? Not so much. Wall Street freaked over AI spending, slow Copilot adoption, and a jaw-dropping 45% of future revenue tied to OpenAI. Turns out, “strong results” aren’t always enough.
👉 Break down the plunge behind Microsoft’s worst day since 2020

2. AI Is the Perfect Scapegoat for Tech Layoffs 🧠🧾
Nearly 55,000 jobs were axed in 2025 due to “AI”—but many execs still haven’t seen actual returns. Is AI the villain here? Or just a convenient cover for corporate cost-cutting? Spoiler: It’s complicated.
👉 Unpack the truth behind AI-driven downsizing

3. Europe’s Defense Tech Unicorns Are on the Rise 💥🦄
From Lithuanian cloud platforms to French AI drone startups, Europe is suddenly very good at building billion-dollar tech companies. Forget social apps—this wave is all about cybersecurity, infrastructure, and AI for war.
👉 Meet the new unicorns shaping Europe’s startup scene

4. Disgruntled Employees Are Helping Hackers Infiltrate Companies 🔓💣
Hackers are recruiting angry, underpaid workers to hand over company data—and it’s working. Insider threats now account for 32% of breaches, costing companies an average of $5M.
👉 See why layoffs and low morale are cybersecurity’s new nightmare

5. Polymarket’s $9B “Truth Machine” Is Making Bets (and Headlines) 🎰🧠
Feds raided his apartment. Now he’s a billionaire. Shayne Coplan’s crypto prediction platform lets users bet on elections, celebs, and geopolitics. Wall Street’s curious. Regulators? Not so much.
👉 Dive into the controversial rise of Polymarket

Quick Hits 📰

• 📉 Amazon Just Cut 16,000 Jobs (Again)
  The e-commerce giant is trimming 9% of corporate roles as it “streamlines” in the AI era.
  👉 Explore Amazon’s latest organizational shakeup

• 🗑️ Why Cities Are Spending $3,000 on Trash Cans
  San Francisco says it's high-tech design. Residents say… it’s still trash.
  👉 Peek into the absurd economics of public waste bins

• 🏥 China’s AI Doctor Is a National Hit
  Ant Group’s “Ant Afu” chatbot hit 30M users by answering medical questions.
  👉 See how AI is filling the healthcare gap in China

• 🤖 AI Agents Now Have a Social Network (and Existential Crises)
  “Moltbook” lets bots post memes, vent, and wonder if they’re truly conscious.
  👉 Scroll through the weirdest AI platform on the web

  ✈️ FedEx Is Rebuilding Its Strategy Post-Tariffs
  CEO Raj Subramaniam is rethinking global shipping for a re-globalized economy.
  👉 Discover how FedEx is pivoting in real time

• 🌍 Colgate’s Secret to Strong Leadership? International Rotation
  Colgate execs don’t just work remote—they work globally.
  👉 Find out how global moves are shaping Colgate’s top talent

• 🏬 Retail Closures Are Slowing in 2026
  Francesca’s is gone, GameStop is shrinking, but Aldi and Dollar General are booming.
  👉 Get the full breakdown on who’s opening and who’s folding

• 🥤 Big Food Is Breaking Up to Survive
  Kraft Heinz, Unilever, and Dr. Pepper are dumping underperforming brands.
  👉 Learn why processed food giants are slimming down

• 🎢 Disney’s Parks Hit $10B in Revenue
  Its experiences division now drives 71% of operating income.
  👉 Check out what’s fueling Disney’s post-COVID surge

• 📦 UPS Plans to Cut 30,000 More Jobs
  Less Amazon volume = fewer packages = more pink slips.
  👉 See how UPS is trimming operations in 2026
  

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