Musk’s Trillionaire Blueprint 🚀💸

Biz Analyst Club Newsletter

by The Business Model Analyst

Hello, Biz Enthusiasts!
Elon Musk might actually become the world’s first trillionaire (because apparently billions are just too basic), Facebook is trying to make “pokes” cool again (yes, you read that right), and OpenAI is building its own chips to stop begging NVIDIA for GPUs. Meanwhile, the Kelce brothers just turned beer into a $200M business, and Atlassian bought the coolest browser startup in town. Let’s dive in before Optimus the robot learns to poke you on Facebook.

Hot Takes 🚀

1. Elon Musk Could Become the World’s First Trillionaire 🚀💸
Tesla’s new pay package could hand Musk 423M shares… but only if the company’s value jumps to $8.5T (yes, with a “T”). That would make Tesla bigger than every automaker combined—and Musk richer than entire countries.
👉 Read how Tesla plans to fund Musk’s trillion-dollar dream

2. OpenAI Is Building Its Own AI Chips 🖥️🔋
OpenAI is teaming up with Broadcom to make custom “XPUs” and break free from NVIDIA’s GPU chokehold. Rumor has it they’ve already dropped $10B on orders. Translation: Sam Altman is tired of his entire business depending on one company’s silicon.
👉 See how OpenAI plans to power GPT-5 and beyond

3. Facebook Revives… Pokes 👈😂
Remember pokes? Meta is betting Gen Z will treat them like Snapchat streaks. You’ll now get poke counts, icons, and even a fire emoji if you keep poking your friends. Basically, Facebook invented gamified flirting again.
👉 See how Meta is making pokes a thing (again)

4. Kelce Brothers’ Garage Beer Hits $200M Valuation 🍺🏈
Travis and Jason Kelce’s beer brand just scored funding from Durational Capital, valuing the light-beer company at $200M. Revenue is set to triple this year—proof that football fame (and maybe Taylor Swift adjacency) sells beer.
👉 Check how Garage Beer is winning over Gen Z and millennials

5. Atlassian Buys The Browser Company for $610M 🌐🤝
The team behind Arc and Dia just got scooped by Atlassian. Why? Because AI + browsers = the future of work. Atlassian plans to keep it independent but integrate enterprise features. Translation: Jira will now nag you from your browser too.
👉 See why Atlassian paid $610M for a browser

Strategy Deep Dive

Quick Hits 📰

• Bret Taylor’s Sierra hits $10B valuation after a $350M raise. His AI agent startup already has SoFi, Ramp, and Brex as clients.
  👉 Read more

• Cringe Marketing is officially working. Duolingo’s chaotic owl and Ryanair’s glitchy TikToks prove that awkward sells.
  👉 Why cringe = clicks

• America now has 1,135 billionaires. That’s $5.7T of collective wealth, with some living in towns of just 172 people.
  👉 Peek into the billionaire map

• Musk’s Optimus robot demo flopped. The humanoid waddled awkwardly and couldn’t find a Coke. Investors weren’t impressed.
  👉 Watch the painful demo

• Amazon kills Prime Invitee free shipping. Starting Oct. 1, you can only share Prime with your household. Sorry, freeloading cousins.
  👉 See what’s changing

• Switzerland launches Apertus, an open-source AI model built only with public data. Think of it as AI as public infrastructure.
  👉 Meet Apertus

• Taylor Swift drops a cassette. Yes, a cassette. Gen Z and superfans are actually buying them.
  👉 See why cassettes are making a comeback

• MrBeast is launching a phone company. Like Mint Mobile, but powered by 430M YouTube subscribers.
  👉 Check out his next big move

• ConocoPhillips to cut up to 25% of its workforce. That’s 3,000+ jobs gone by end of 2025.
  👉 See why oil giant is slashing jobs

• Armani succession drama begins. After Giorgio Armani’s passing, control shifts to his foundation and family circle.
  👉 What’s next for the fashion house

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