AI Friends, $9B Sneakers, and the Future of Coworkers 🤖👟

Biz Analyst Club Newsletter

by The Business Model Analyst

Hello, Biz Enthusiasts!
This week, Skechers got bought for billions, Bluesky said “No thanks” to internet emperors, and OpenAI is out here acting like the Disney of the AI world — snapping up new tools and rewriting its origin story. Also: Zuckerberg wants you to replace your friends with AIs, Netflix just launched a “search therapist,” and full-body scan clinics are the new SoulCycle. (But for health anxiety.) Let’s dive in before AI sends your résumé to LinkedIn automatically.

Hot Takes 🚀

1. Skechers Goes Private in $9.4B Sneaker Shakeup 👟💸
Skechers is saying goodbye to Wall Street, thanks to a $9.42B buyout by 3G Capital — the biggest sneaker deal ever. With tariffs crushing margins and market pressure mounting, Skechers pulled a Houdini and disappeared from the public markets.
👉 See how tariffs kicked Skechers right into private equity’s lap

2. OpenAI Stays "Open" — Barely 🤖📉
Facing lawsuits, critics (hi, Elon), and some angry state attorneys general, OpenAI just reversed its plan to ditch nonprofit control. Instead, it's becoming a public benefit corporation with the nonprofit still in charge. TL;DR: The world’s most powerful AI company just tried to change clothes mid-sprint — and nearly faceplanted.
👉 Why this plot twist could change Big AI forever

3. AI Isn’t Helping Salaries — Or Work-Life Balance 💼🤯
A Danish study found that AI tools save time… but don’t boost earnings or reduce hours. Basically, workers are doing the same stuff, just faster — with no raise and no extra naps. AI: the new overachiever’s caffeine.
👉 Check out the “precisely estimated zeros” that shocked economists

4. Bluesky Wants Social Media Without Emperors 🏛️📱
Bluesky’s CEO rocked a “No Caesars” tee and made it clear: they're building the anti-Zuckerberg. With 35M users and a 500% usage spike after the last election, Bluesky’s making waves. It’s decentralized, self-governed, and basically the Coachella of social platforms.
👉 Inside the rebellion against algorithmic monarchs

5. This Startup Just Raised $260M to Scan Your Body for Fun (and Fear) 🧬🚨
Daniel Ek’s full-body scan startup, Neko, is now worth $1.8B — and already has a 100K-person waitlist. For $373, you get a futuristic health scan and a mild existential crisis. Celebs love it. Your insurance company might not.
👉 Peek inside the startup turning health anxiety into a business model

Quick Hits 📰

• Waymo’s Robotaxi Empire Expands
  Alphabet’s Waymo plans to double robotaxi production and hit new U.S. cities by 2026.
  👉 See where driverless cars are heading next

• Disney’s Building a Castle in the Desert
  The Magic Kingdom is coming to Abu Dhabi. Yes, seriously.
  👉 Take a sneak peek at Disney’s biggest global bet

• Zuckerberg Thinks You’ll Have 15 AI Friends Soon
  Mark says most of your future friendships will be bots. Not weird at all.
  👉 Hear Zuck’s oddly personal AI pitch

• OpenAI Drops $3B on Coding Tool Windsurf
  ChatGPT’s parent just made its biggest acquisition ever — and it’s all about code.
  👉 See why OpenAI is on a shopping spree

• Shein’s IPO Plans? On Pause.
  Tariff drama and valuation drops put Shein’s London IPO on ice.
  👉 Why fashion’s biggest disruptor hit the brakes

• Figma’s New Tools Are Gunning for Canva + Adobe
  Figma just added websites, AI, and branded content — it’s not just for prototyping anymore.
  👉 Inside Figma’s all-in-one creative play

• Google Quietly Enters Hollywood
  Meet “100 Zeros” — Google’s film initiative to push tech in pop culture.
  👉 Why Google’s next marketing play is storytelling

• Recession Memes Are Back, Baby
  Social media says Lady Gaga + knee-high sneakers = recession.
  👉 The internet’s latest economic forecasting tool

• MIT’s “Electronic Skin” Could Revolutionize Night Vision
  New IR sensors could make goggles way lighter — and cars smarter.
  👉 Read how sci-fi tech is becoming wearable

• Netflix Adds AI-Powered Search
  Tired of endless scrolling? Just ask Netflix what you feel like watching.
  👉 Try Netflix’s new “vibe-based” recommendation engine

Deep Dive on a Business Opportunity

Sneakers are going private, AI wants to be your therapist and your best friend, and health startups are lining up to scan your insides for $373. Meanwhile, social media’s revolting, robotaxis are multiplying, and Netflix just wants to “vibe” with your mood. Take a deep breath and remember — the future is here, and it’s only getting weirder. Buckle up.

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