TikTok's Great Escape Plan 🇺🇸📱

Biz Analyst Club Newsletter

by The Business Model Analyst

Hello, Biz Enthusiasts!
TikTok is pulling a disappearing act (but just for China), MrBeast wants to ghost his own burger chain, and your kid’s tooth might now come with a full media package and bedtime alerts. Oh — and if your mom doesn’t text back, there’s now an app for that. Meanwhile, Gen Z is questioning cocktails, gambling is now literally in your pocket, and AI might finally be growing up (but not fast enough for Intel).Let’s dive in — this one's packed.

Hot Takes 🚀

1. TikTok Just Cloned Itself to Dodge a U.S. Ban 🇺🇸📲
After six years of political ping-pong, TikTok is spinning off a U.S.-only version run by Oracle, Silver Lake, and MGX to avoid getting booted from app stores. ByteDance will keep a 19.9% stake, and yes, TikTok's former ops guy is now its CEO.
👉 See how TikTok's corporate acrobatics are rewriting app diplomacy

2. MrBeast Burger: From Billion-Dollar Dream to Depressing Disaster 🍔📉
What started as an empire-builder turned into a mental-health hazard. MrBeast wants to kill his food chain, calling it a reputation nightmare and a source of “chronic depression.” The lesson? Don't let someone else cook your brand.
👉 Inside the burger that broke the world’s biggest YouTuber

3. Gambling Is Everywhere – Especially in Your Pocket 🎰📱
Your phone is a casino now. Sports betting, yes-or-no prediction markets, and even bets on Jesus returning are live and ready. Americans under 50? Nearly half have a mobile sportsbook account. Wild Bill Hickok would be proud — and maybe broke.
👉 How smartphones made gambling impossible to ignore

4. “Are You Dead?” Is a Real App – And It’s… Comforting? 🧠📲
China's new viral app checks in with loved ones who live alone, helping people avoid full-blown panic when texts go unanswered. The name? “Are You Dead?” Sounds like a joke. But the anxiety? Very real.
👉 The check-in app that’s going viral for all the right reasons

5. Tooth Fairy Goes SaaS – With Email Updates and Selfies 🦷✨
A new Tooth Fairy Tracker sends parents (and kids) selfies, videos, and whimsical updates from “Kiki the Tooth Fairy.” Free for now, but soon to be a subscription. Because even magical creatures need recurring revenue.
👉 See how the Tooth Fairy became a digital brand

Strategy Deep Dive

Quick Hits 📰

• 📉 Intel Stock Tanks 18% After AI Misfire
  Chip giant underestimated data center demand. Turns out, AI hype doesn’t automatically equal AI supply.
  👉 Why Intel’s AI pivot is stalling

• 📵 Meta Bans Teens From Chatting With AI — For Now
  Meta’s pulling the plug on teen access to AI characters while it redesigns the experience. Parental pressure, lawsuits, and PG-13 vibes all played a part.
  👉 Why Zuckerberg’s bots are on pause

• 🎬 TikTok’s Microdramas Are Garbage – And They’re Making Billions
  Cheesy 1-minute episodes, cringy plots, and $20 VIP passes… and somehow it’s a $1.2B industry. Quibi died so this could live.
  👉 The streaming genre Gen Z can’t stop bingeing

• 🧠 AI Business Transformations Are Getting Real – Slowly
  PwC says companies are finally seeing measurable, strategic gains from AI. Key word: some.
  👉 How to avoid the AI hype trap and get real ROI

• 🍹 Gen Z Is Awkward About Alcohol — And It’s Changing Bars
  They drink less, but feel weird saying why. That’s forcing bars to rethink drinks, menus, and social norms.
  👉 How the new sober-ish generation is reshaping nightlife

• 🤖 Ultra-Rich Advisors Say AI Is Useless for Finding Clients
  Spoiler: Billionaires don’t respond to cold AI-generated emails. You still need jets, lawyers, and trust.
  👉 Why AI can’t hack the high-net-worth hustle

• 💊 Next-Gen Weight Loss Drugs: More Pills, More Players
  Eli Lilly, Novo Nordisk, and Pfizer are racing toward pills, combos, and broader access in the $100B GLP-1 market.
  👉 Where the weight-loss drug gold rush goes next

• 💵 Clorox Buys Purell’s Parent Company for $2.25B
  The hygiene giant adds Gojo to its cleaning empire. The pandemic’s hand-sanitizer MVP now joins the bleach brigade.
  👉 Inside the big bet on clean hands

• ⚡ Solar Lobby Goes All-In on Battery Storage
  Grid storage is booming — and SEIA wants more policies, more conferences, and fewer barriers.
  👉 Why storage is the solar industry’s next big play

• 📝 X's New “Articles” Are Everywhere – And Not Great
  Elon Musk’s platform is giving $1M to the most viral post. Result: AI-written self-help spam flooding your feed.
  👉 The messy monetization of X’s new blog format

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